Date: Sat, 3 Aug 1996 04:52:38 -0700
To: Blain Nelson
Subject: We made it here
I especially enjoyed reading your letter. We arrived on Thursday early am. Long and interesting story on the how to’s. I agree that this story must be told. So, should I not make it, you not hear from me for ever and ever, go ahead and print whatever you wish *! Good thinking, reality based. Humans will never fit in molds, or logic or any such thing. And in case his fantasies be carried out, as you say Real Men Needn’t Abuse *, right? Well, if he wins and we wouldn’t make it, you have my permission to make this nationally public, for as we all say: This ought not happen to anyone! Good thinking, great idea, permission granted. As for now, I am under all this pressure about which I will share later.
I wish I had to bucks for your spendy private eye, for indeed, I need true direction now. I have frantic friends irate if I don’t agree with their every concept. But indeed, I must do that which seems internally rational and right for my family. This seems to fall on deaf ears. They have the impression they actually drove the car all those miles too! But if I listen to that inner voice of reason and calm, sense ought to prevail. Who knows. If everyone here is in a panic, need I join them? Heck, whose crisis is this anyway, mine or theirs? <grin>
BUt I have arrived in another state, and am now figuring out exactly what direction to take. I have a very controlling literally Jewish mother type, who wants to help, but overly. Smothered is a new concept here. I am bewildered, and at most, in need of rest. Fatigue is a huge part of the polio package. But listening is not part of things here and now.
We are concerned about his not finding a paper trail, and which route to take, so many decisions must be made. We made it though, took two weeks, and several miles, two tires, a water pump, and many many miles. Still packing and unpacking, and we must find a place in which to live permenantly. Then stablility will return. The think which scares me the most is that when I applied for welfare/disability, he had my address post haste. Now I am to do this again???????????? So what it’s another state, it was last time and it did not stop him? Much to ponder. Changing identities is new to me, and money, not present. It was much prayer and support which provided the gas money, for which we are indeed most grateful at this time. A Buddhist Compassion Relief Foundation stepped in, and I, am a Caucasian. Imagine that! I will meet with them to thank them deeply, on Sunday. I think I am their first caucasian recipient, so will walk respectfully and cautiously.
Plan two involves a move to another state, not as good for the post polio, but indeed, with friends as well, who will assist, etc. Currently I still am trying to get the moving road to go away when I shut my eyes!
I totally agreed with the low testosterone you mentioned, I mean it strikes a chord with Howard. Everything from his sexual problems on down, makes sense to me. Glad to see them figuring this out. No one deserves to be that unhappy. Do happy people need to abuse? Well, no one does, but I think you catch my drift here. I don’t wish for him to be unhappy, no one ought to, life is just too darned fun, if we let it be.
As I drove, I was thinking that this would make some sort of great movie one fine day, especially if I lived, survived and all, probably Lifetime, or something. But after all, I *had* been driving waaaaaaaaaay too many hours. It was a difficult trip, rather dangerous, and all, very very hard. Now we are here, and the rest is difficult to explain. I have folks acting as if they, well, control is NOT kewl, and leaving abuse means taking control of one’s own ship. To have this ripped out of one’s hands, is not therapeutic. How do I get this message across? I need time to rest. They won’t let me. Sigh. More of the epic journey to freedom, I guess, isn’t it?
Thanks for wanting to get this word out. I say go ahead *. But what if Howard read it?????? That is what scares me. He might decide to start looking at things. This would send him into incredible rage, you know? For already he is obsessing and all. Another concern-my friends say that I cannot tell Whitney’s biodad about our whereabouts, ever at all, for after all he has not made child support payments, when he could afford to go to London and all for vacation. Well, this is highly illegal folks! I can’t help but think that they who have nothing going on in their lives, are all in a panic and making decisions for me, not ealizing tons of legalities, and logistics, such as what is this going to do to my kid? It’s hard suddenly being told by others, who are not in my shoes, that I can’t even have a minute to decide for self, that which is best for my family.
As you can see, the saga continues. We are here. I know what is best-a couple days rest. But I am not being allowed to do so by others. Is this better? I wonder.
Must run now. Looking forward to hearing from you again. I am ecstatic at hearing about the more adaptive things your area is doing concerning PWDs* and abuse. It brings a light into the darkness, and enlarges the room of my house. It is indeed great to be out of Michigan, famous for their treatment of women, as non equals, etc. I feel terrific not being in the midwest now either, for the same constrictions, although Iowa is special to me. But the cold and snow are hard for us wheelchair folks, most of us, those of us with asthma.
Thanks for communicating. Time constricts us all. Any directives which of course are more optional, are greatly appreciated!
I am grateful that someone wants to get the word out about this situation to increase awareness. Yay!
Thank you for everything,
I have heard from Sue since then. I’ve seen sign of her on the net. I haven’t been able to get back in touch with her in some years now. She was continuing to have problems due to her transportation needs, but she was safe. If she happens to read this, I’d like to have contact with her.