The Abuse-free Family of Mail Lists.

I believe that I must play an active part in helping to build a society in which abuse between spouses, parents and children, friends, lovers, strangers, neighbors and nations is forever unacceptable.

-- from the Spouse Abusers Creed, adapted from Voices from the Heart by Dave Russell, and Men Working Against Abuse.

The Abuse-free family of mail lists is focused on living this belief, specifically by helping to build a structure in which recovering spouse abusers will supported in learning new ways of behaving which are based in equality, respect and, most importantly, safety. This support comes directly, in the form of Abuse-free, a mail list for recovering spouse abusers, and also indirectly, in the affiliated lists Abuse-free-help, for those involved with designing, providing, referring and consuming abuser treatment programs, and Abuse-free-support, for those who live and work with spouse abusers in non-therapeutic ways.

Subscription to these lists is closed, meaning that subscriptions need to be approved by the list-owner (and they almost always are). If you are interested in subscribing to any of these lists, please read the rules for that list, then e-mail the list owner to indicate that you qualify for membership on the list you are subscribing to before sending a subscription request to the list server.


Abuse-free is an experiment in abuse recovery. It's members are pioneers of a sort -- exploring the concept of a minimally facilitated support group for recovering spouse abusers.

Participation in Abuse-free is restricted to recovering spouse abusers -- that is, individuals who have exhibited controlling, intimidating, or violent behaviors in intimate relationships, and are making a sincere effort to change and to build an abuse-free life -- and those who are uncertain but concerned that they might be abusive. Therapists, law enforcement officials, abuse survivors, clergy, celebrities, members of the media, elected or appointed government officials, advocates, activists, and all others are welcome to participate on the list if they meet these qualifications and are willing to abide by the rules of the list. If not, they are welcome to consider participation in an affiliated list they might qualify for.

List Rules for Abuse-free


Abuse-free-help exists to promote and support effective treatment of recovering spouse abusers. This is to be achieved by means of sharing information, experiences and insights between those involved with designing, providing, referring, requiring, and consuming this treatment

Participation in Abuse-free-help is open to therapists, researchers and social scientists involved with the designing and assessing of this kind of treatment, program administrators, law enforcement personnel, court personnel, judges, corrections personnel, attorneys (both prosecuting and defending), probation officers, and legislative staff members and legislators involved with setting programming standards and sentencing guidelines for this kind of treatment. It is also open to those seriously considering becoming any of the above.

Subscribers to Abuse-free-help are asked to include their title and the agency, institution, organization, etc. they work with (if applicable) when indicating their qualification to join the list. Those interested in subscribing to Abuse-free-help who do not seem to fit a profile listed above are encouraged to contact the list-owner to discuss their possible participation on the list.

Appropriate topic areas can include treatment methodologies that work and don't work, successes and problems with laws and standards for treatment programs.

Members of the Abuse-free mail list will also be able to participate on Abuse-free-help.

List Rules for Abuse-free-help


Abuse-free-support is a resource for those who have spouse abusers in their lives.

Friends, family members, coworkers, employers, employees, clergy members, etc. will be invited to participate in Abuse-free-support.

Appropriate topic areas can include both what to accept, expect and tolerate from abusers in or out of recovery, and coping with the affects having an abuser in your life can have. Victims of spouse abusers will qualify for membership on this list, however, this list is not primarily intended to be a forum for coping with victim/survivor issues. Other forums which focus on victim/survivor issues are recommended for these types of discussions, and the list-owner can make some recommendations to those interested in that kind of forum.

Participation on this list by members of Abuse-free is a possibility at some point, but will not take place at the start-up of the list. People interested in subscribing to this list are free to contact the list-owner with their thoughts on having recovering abusers participating in this list.