Abuser Recovery Information
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, there is not a lot of information available on the net regarding abuser recovery. This is a fairly new area, and even the non-electronic resources for abusers who wish to end their violence are rather spotty.
I've received a great deal of help from a state certified program from the Whatcom Crisis Services known as ACT (Abuse Control Training). Our program emphasized heavily focusing on our own issues, did not attempt to demonize us personally, did not tolerate any minimization, rationalization, or justification of our abuse, did not attempt to portray our victims as perfect angelic beings, and recognized that there are women who abuse also.
I have heard reports from people in similar programs elsewhere which are run by (according to their reports) militant feminists who do many of the things I just listed that ACT doesn't. These reports sadden me, because I see in them missed opportunities to reach abusers who are willing to recover but who feel like the program wants to destroy them rather than help them take responsibility for what they've done and get on with healthier, happier, abuse-free lives.
At any rate, those who think that they might be abusers or those who have recognized their own abuse would do well to find any and all support groups for batterers in their area, as well as counselors who have experience in dealing with domestic violence. Male abusers will have an easier time finding services to help them, but I strongly encourage female abusers to make the effort to get the help they need to stop their abuse. There is a very small but growing awareness of the needs of abusive women, and even abusers in lesbian relationships can find help in some places. Failing to seek outside help from people who know what they are doing will leave you and the rest of your family at risk of not only continuing abuse, but escalating abuse that can have tragic results.
Net based resources include the newsgroups alt.abuse.offender.recovery, and alt.abuse.recovery. These groups deal not only with spouse/relationship abusers but also child molesters and others who have abuse problems. Some recovering abusers also post in alt.sexual.abuse.recovery also, but they do so with NMV (standing for No More Victims) included in the headers of their posts and spoilers. If you do not know what spoilers are, read the FAQ for ASAR before posting.
This page points to the various chapters of Peter B.'s book on ending abuse which are being serialized in the NMV list. Peter has been very courageous in his willingness to identify himself as a recovering molester, and I personally have a great deal of respect for Peter not only because of that but because of some of the insightful things I have seen him say in aaor and aar.
Sex and Love Addiction information
This is part of the Laurus Health Library. I've included it in these pages because I have found a definite connection between these addictions and abuse on the parts of both abusers and abused. I certainly find it in my own experience, and the societal expectations that support this addiction certainly touch many lives. I do not think that this or any other addiction causes abuse, but I do think that those in abusive situations might wish to look at this and other addictions and see if they are also problems because very frequently they are.
This is a list of support resources available to recovering abusers in the UK. If you are aware of (or wish to compile) a similar list of resources in your area, let me know and I'll be happy to point to that list one way or another.
This is something I wrote for the aaor pre-FAQ. If you would like to write something describing some other forms of denial, let me know.
The Abuser Resources section of my Links page
There are a few resources there that I haven't included here. Some day I will resolve their imperfect overlap.
Abuse-free is a mail list for recovering spouse abusers I started in February of 1999. This site gives information about the list and how to subscribe.
Blain
Last revised 16:36:44 EDT, 29 Apr 2009
If you have any questions about anything in this page (including requests for permission to use the material on this or any other page on this site), or wish to contact me, please check my FAQ. If you need help immediately, please call your local Crisis Services.
