Blain Nelson's Abuse Pages
On-line Reading Library
...If Only I Could Get Out of This Chair

When I first realized that how my then fiancé was treating me was abuse, I didn't know what to do. I felt I had to hide it and only then did I consider seeking help to deal with the enormous burden of shame and fear involved with verbal abuse. Unfortunatly, my therapist told me there were no support groups for verbal abuse victims in my area. As I began scouring the self help section of my local bookstore, I saw there were only a few books on the subject as well. I was disgusted. Was this a new issue, or were only a few of us coming forward to admit we were in abusive relationships? Why were there virtually no resources to consult to help me deal with this?

I am still outraged at the lack of support for victims of verbal abuse there is out in the world. This book is the result of my struggle to admit, deal with and survive a verbally abusive relationship. I want others to know that we don't have to suffer in silence anymore, thinking half the time, "what am I doing wrong?" The base of power that an abuser draws from is twisting our minds to believe no matter what we do, there will always be something wrong with our actions, our perceptions, our dreams. It took me a year and a half to realize that nothing would please my abuser, not me changing my entire personality, my starving my body and living off of caffeine tablets, not totalling my car, not becoming an alcoholic, not losing my career, or my family, nothing would have made him treat me decently and stop yelling.

All of these things happened to me before I woke up and realized that no matter how good to me he was nothing was worth going through the treatment I recieved during the bad times. The following pages tell the story of the steps I took and encourage you to consider, if not take in your own way to leave and break the cycle of abuse. Don't give up, there is always a choice, whether it appears that way or not, it's just a matter of being able to accept the fact that the choices we have to make may not always be pleasant, just like having to get up from the recliner and afghan you fell asleep under on a cozy winter evening...

Being comfortable in the recliner is always easier than getting up and being cold on that long walk upstairs to bed; so is being comfortable in a relationship, no matter what the treatment. We all deserve to be accepted for who we are and loved for ourselves, anyone who can't accept or tries to change us through constant yelling, berating or threatening does not love us. In fact a typical characteristic of abuse is that love is continually given and taken away dependant upon the victim's behavior. If any of these things seem prevelent in your relationship, don't be afraid to question it, or seek help, the life you save may be your own. So please read on and let's work together to reconstruct our lives and get to know ourselves and our potential again, I know we can get through this together...

Patrizia Ana Clerico