Dating me

This page is a summary of information about me, with links to some things I’ve written that will help you decide if this really is a path you want to try walking.  I’m an odd duck, and I’m not for every audience.  I’m also not looking for just anybody.  I’m not actually trying to scare you away, but if you’re going to scare away, I’d rather it be sooner than later.  Less with the heart-break for both of us that way.  There is an aspect of dating as a numbers game, and I expect I’m going to need to get to know quite a few women to find who I’m looking for.  I’m looking for a one in a million girl, maybe more than a million.  And every girl is one in a million or more.  So I’m not counting anybody out beforehand, but I’d rather get to the end with someone who isn’t going to work quickly.  If we can still be friends, that’s cool with me (to date, it’s worked that way almost unanimously), but I don’t want to waste anybody’s time.

Basic me:

A quick introduction to me.  Some of the info in here is dated — I wrote the original draft of it in 1994, when creating my first website.  I’ve tried to update it every so often since then, but I haven’t touched it in a while.  My divorce is final, and my kids are all grown.  And I graduated.

Some of my past that might scare you away:

Some of my weird mormonness:

Moving along…?:

Now, if you’re still reading, you’re an exceptionally brave (or bored) person.  Especially if you read at least half of the content under the links above.  Which I would recommend.  This will avoid nasty surprises later on.  If I’ve pointed you here and you’ve indicated that you’ve been here and read this, then I’m going to assume that all of this information is shared knowledge between us, and that you’ll bring any questions about it that you may have to me when you want to.  I might ask about that a time or two, but I mostly am leaving it up to you to explore what and as much as you want to on whatever schedule you want.  Just know that I’m not some perfect guy who you’ve been dreaming about all your life, and I’m not going to pretend to be.  I’m open about who I am and what I believe/think.

See, my favorite genre of film is the romantic comedy.  And a key piece of the rom-com formula is some little lie or misunderstanding early in the story, which later on is revealed and puts the budding relationship the story is about at risk.  While I do want other parts of the rom-com formula, like the meet-cute, and the happy ending, I don’t want this part.  So, this serves as your notice of what could possibly freak you out later on.  It’s probably two or three dates worth of information about me, and you can read it at your leisure.  Finding out something six months from now when we’re planning a wedding that is in this document, and then getting all OMG about it and breaking off the engagement is not something I’m going to peacefully accept.

Dating:

I don’t approach dating the way most people do.  For me, dating is a way to get to know someone while having fun, and then seeing where things go from there.  I prefer the model of friend -> marriage.  Some seem to think that a date is a profession of strong attachment and intention for things to get serious.  I enjoy making plans for interesting and fun dates, and then finding people I can ask out to go with me and share the experience with.  I have quite a difficult time transitioning from friends having fun to physical affection.  Some understanding and assistance in letting me know that it’s time to make that transition would be much appreciated.  I just really fear going for the hand-hold or kiss and being left hanging.  Ties into some experiences I’ve had in the past where I was supposed to be followed and wasn’t and it was in front of a bunch of people.  So, yeah. Hinting probably won’t work.  I’m not a fan of hinting because I’ve found that what women consider being really forward and obvious looks very ambiguous and unclear to men, especially me, if it’s about me.

Communication:

I prefer a direct conversation style, and, while I respect the validity of an indirect conversation style, I request conversation be as direct as possible.  If you want me to know or do something, say so.  If it’s important enough to get mad at me for not saying or doing it, it’s important enough to use clear words to say.  And, reciprocally, being indirect is very hard for me, but I like pleasant surprises, and a very direct request for information makes any kind of surprise pretty much impossible.  So if I start asking questions that seem out of nowhere and quite random, please just answer them and don’t think about them very much.