Hating my meds.

I’ve been awake about two hours.  I’m having some anxiety and it’s bugging me a lot (redundant much?).  I think it’s from the meds I’m taking, as anxiety is listed as a known side effect.  I can’t seem to shake it off.

I injured my back a few days ago — tore a muscle between the ribs which have gotten inflamed and are quite painful.  On Thursday (this happened Tuesday evening), I started on a muscle relaxer and a pain medication you’ve probably heard of.  They’ve been knocking me on my butt, and I’ve had quite a lot of sleep since that time.  But, now, I’m unable to sleep, and I’m quite tired, because it feels like I’m not going to be able to keep breathing — like I have to consciously think about breathing or I might stop, and that fear keeps me awake.

I know I’m not going to stop breathing.  But that fear is just in there and it doesn’t have to make sense to be compelling. 

I think I’m going to cut back on the pain med I was prescribed — half doses or less.  The pain is still there, and I’ve taken the pain med regularl to try to stay ahead of the pain, but this is really bothering me. 

I think I’m going to go for a walk, just to have something to do and to maybe metabolize some of this stuff away. 

I didn’t.  But I did lay down and concentrated on breathing slowly and steadily, and I might have dozed off a bit.  Now I’m going to eat a little something to see if that helps.  This has me a little shaken, if that wasn’t clear.

It’s later now.  I’m going to get ready to head up for Church now.  I’m singing in a small men’s group (six guys, four parts) in conference.  I feel very strange still, and more than a little uneasy.  I will ask for a blessing when I get there.

4 thoughts on “Hating my meds.

  1. Blainn!

    I’ve missed you. I’m glad to hear from you, but this entry has me quite concerned. I hope you feel better soon.

    By the way, I’m living in Redmond now, and maybe we can meet up at some point.

    Please take care of yourself.

  2. As long as I don’t have to sit down, it’d be fine. Like I told the doctor today (my regular guy who knew nothing about this till I told him today) there is nothing, including meds or no meds, that makes as much of a difference in my pain level as my position does. Laying or standing is by far the best.

  3. I see that. Hope those interviews turn into jobs for you and soon. Unemployment is not good, and you look quite good at jumping through the paradigm hoops that would make me want to kill people and say firetruck, and you’re still able to effectively teach in spite of those hoops.

    Maybe if I come down for a Thursday evening contradance some of these weeks, we could meet up around that time. When I come down for work, I’m just working, sleeping or driving until I come home. It’ll have to wait until I’m up to coming down for work (hoping this weekend might work for work, but that’s far from clear), and then up to contradancing (which, actually, might not be too bad right now, except for the swings being rough on my back).

    We’ll have to see how things shake out in the next few weeks. I’m starting to be ready to think about things more than a few hours in the future. It’s progress.

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