Deluxe Mixed Berry and Cheese Cobbler

This is based on a recipe my mother adapted from a recipe she got from her sister.  I added the chocolate chips, the cottage cheese, and the nutella entirely on my own, but she would have been fine with the vanilla extract, and with the idea of adapting the recipe with whatever innovations worked.  

Deluxe Mixed Berry and Cheese Cobbler

Melt in 9×13′ pan:
1 cube butter or margarine or butter-flavored shortening

in 4 c. measure or small bowl, mix
2 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1 c. chocolate chips (mixed white and milk chocolate works quite well)

in 2 c. measuring cup, mix
1/2 c. water
1 t. baking soda
2 t. salt
2 t. Baking powder
1 t. Vanilla extract
Stir. Add
2 eggs
½ c. cottage cheese

Stir. Fill to 2 c. mark with
evaporated milk or buttermilk.

Stir, mix with flour and sugar. Mix well and pour into pan.

Mix 1 c. each of blueberries, strawberries and raspberries with sugar to taste, spread over batter.  Add 2 T cream cheese and 2 T Nutella or equivalent hazelnut/chocolate spread on batter.

Bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes to 1 hour, until top of cake is brown. Begin serving while still warm, with heavy whipping cream, unsweetened and unwhipped.

Mom’s Pancake Recipe

2 cups flour

2 eggs

1 3/4 cups buttermilk

1/4 cup oil

1/4 cup water

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

Mix flour and 1 cup buttermilk. Add and mix oil, then eggs. In separate container, mix baking powder, baking soda, salt, and water. Add to batter mixture and add remaining buttermilk as needed for desired consistency.

Why this sustainer isn’t opposed to “any opposed.”

I sustain the leaders of the Church as prophets, seers and revelators.  Recently, a group of people who do not openly voted against them at General Conference, setting off a small firestorm of angry and uncharitable comments about them throughout the TBM community.  Although I disagree with their opinion on this matter, I don’t see what they’ve done as terrible or wrong.  I see it as a desperate act of those who are trying to have their concerns heard, if not addressed, and I see it as a failed effort, as the leaders of the Church, in the voice of Pres. Uchtdorf, once again refused to listen to them, and referred them to local leaders who will not pass the details of those concerns along, and will likely threaten their membership.   Continue reading Why this sustainer isn’t opposed to “any opposed.”

I’m not in love.

As much as I love the song of that title by 10cc, I mean it in a very different way than the ironic sense of the song. I am enjoying meeting women and dating, but I’m not deeply infatuated with anybody, or pushing in a “let’s get married” direction. I really want to be clear with everyone about this, so nobody gets the impression that a date means exclusive dating, and a path to engagement and marriage. Dating is, for me, about getting to know people better, including myself. And I’m doing some writing around here as a way of exploring some of the questions that are arising from those conversations. There’s something else I particularly wanted to talk about here, and I’m forgetting what it is about every half-sentence. Think, think, think.

Romantic Things.

Oh, yeah. I love doing romantic things. A lot. The problem with doing romantic things while dating around in a non-serious non-exclusive fashion is that it can tend to make things look more serious and exclusive than I am. So, if I show up for a date with a (pink, yellow or white) rose, that’s not a sign that I’m going to propose. I just wanted to bring a flower. I would use a red rose if I was going to bring a rose to a proposal, FWIW.

Physical Affection / Physicality.

I like hugging.  I don’t have to be in love to hug someone.  I have learned that just hugging people isn’t always well received.  But I’m generally open to hugs from pretty much anybody, so, if you’re reading this, you can feel free to request a hug anytime I’m around.  Or just hug me.  Probably.

Another kind of physicality I can offer is rubbing/massaging necks, backs, shoulders and feet.  I’ve been doing those things since I was quite young, and am reasonably good at them.  Feel free to request one if you have the need.

My Separation Part 3 — The relationship

The relationship started entirely innocently. Some friends planned a get-together at a mutual friend’s home and I was invited to it. As a friend-level activity, I was okay with going. And then the other friends didn’t show up, so we had a nice conversation, and I found that we had a lot to talk about. So I began spending more time around her, and there was still more to talk about, and our kids got along okay (mostly) so we began doing joint family things (like pizza and movies for Friday nights), and spending more time together. After probably six months or more of this, things took a romantic turn that was rather surprising for both of us, if not for others around us. For about two years, we made plans and I got to practice my new relationship skills, and things got a little out of hand on my part. I made some (new) bad choices, not the kind I’d made with Faith, and she ended the relationship. I was sad, but found some new things to do with my life and time (mostly dancing), and a few years later, she got married, and seems to be quite happy with where she’s at. I don’t see the relationship as a bad thing, nor her as a bad person for being in it with me, but I don’t recommend relationships before divorces are final, and haven’t had any since. She’s still incredible and I’m glad she’s happy.

My Separation Part 2– What I learned (and how).

 

For those who have read the stories of how my separation started, you will know that Dr. Laura Schlessinger was key in getting me on a more productive path of healing and growing. Some time later, her show was picked up by the radio station I listened to the most, and they carried it for many years. I love Dr. Laura deeply in my heart, for the help she was to me both in my call to her, and over the years on her show and in her books. I learned from her the importance of prioritizing my children’s needs over my own, and the importance of respecting marriage, and preparing to be in a marriage before trying to be in one again. Her butt-kicking style was very comforting to me (after the call). Sometimes people in a bad space need to be reminded of their own power and their own contribution in getting into that bad space, so they can get themselves out permanently. It’s surprising how often the commonality between all of our lives problems is that we are right there making the choices that create those problems.

ACT:

Abuse Control Training was the place where I was taught new approaches to relationships based on equality and respect, rather than power and control. I learned about how gender-role expectations that I had never thought about had guided my belief system, and, subsequently, my thoughts and actions in ways that had been unfair and hurtful to Faith, and to me. I took responsibility for my belief system and made some adjustments to it that made it more comfortable for me. And I learned how to let go of my marriage and Faith, because nothing I could do or say at that point would undo what I’d already done. I created my abuse website around this time as a way of sharing links to useful resources I’d found online in those early days of the WWW. I also generated some questions people could use to assess if they were involved in abusive relationships, and some resources that could be useful to them if they saw that they were. And I spent time online in spaces frequented by survivors of all kinds of abuse, including Child Sexual Assault. After completing the year-long ACT program, I was asked to come back to the program to help co-facilitate the groups, which I did for several years. This continued my learning quite a lot. I found I had useful things to say to men and women who had been abusive in their relationships. And I got involved with the local DV community, making friends and sharing my perspective with leaders in it and with the community.

Early in my time at ACT, I noticed that I was getting lots of information about how to work better with my wife, who I rarely even spoke with, but I needed to learn more about how to deal better with my children. So I looked around and found Parents Anonymous, through which I was able to learn the 1-2-3 Magic program developed by Dr. Thomas Phelan, which was very helpful to me with them, and has proven quite applicable to my work with children since.

Kids:

And then I took my perspective and experience to the Human Services field, through employment in the Child Welfare System, where I’ve been working now for 13 years. I was working with children from homes like the guys from group – in one case, I worked with the child of someone I knew from group. There were new things to learn, but this kept my head in the realities of family dysfunctions, their causes and consequences.

Divorce lists:

A year or two into this, I discovered some mail-lists for LDS people experiencing divorce. I subscribed to one, and found the interactions there quite useful. A while later, I was contacted by some of the list members who decided to leave that list because they didn’t care for the style of the list-owner so they could form a new one that they wanted me to participate in. I was invited in as a co-owner of the list, and that grew to a group of four lists, three that I co-own, and one that I took over after a list-member was encouraging others to treat their ex-wives abusively and potentially murderously. I did my best to report his information to law enforcement, as it sounded like he was planning to kill his ex-wife, quite confident that he could get away with it. I did a lot of listening to the mostly women on these groups, and added their input to my healing/growing process. I developed a much richer and more realistic model for understanding the world and relationships and marriage due to them. And made some life-long friends in the process.

My Separation Part 1 — Overview

Recently, I’ve had a number of people ask me about my separation, particularly why it was so long before it became a divorce. When talking about something that lasted more than 20 years, there’s a lot to say about that. So I’m going to write about it in some useful detail which, I hope, will answer all the concerns about it.

The tldr; version:

I was separated for 20 years for a variety of reasons. One was to have my kids all grown and gone so I would be as available for them as possible. Possibly the most complete answer is that I had to have the time, money and emotional energy necessary to push it through at the same time, and at least one of those was insufficient until the end. During that time, I did a lot of healing, processing and growing, developing a new set of skills with which I could avoid the failures of my first marriage.
Continue reading My Separation Part 1 — Overview

Comment Spammers: Look elsewhere

You keep on trying to spam here, and it keeps on not working.  It took me a while to figure out what you were doing, but no spammy comment has been approved here in over 5 years.  My settings require approval of comments by new people, and between that and the built-in filtering done by Kashimet (sp?), your spammy comment is never going to be seen by anybody but me, and I”m just going to delete it and add it to the Kashimet database, so it’ll be less likely to get approved anywhere else.

Please stop wasting both of our time, and find another way to try to make a living.